


This Right Feeling

by j_gabrielle



Category: Cloud Atlas (2012), Cloud Atlas - All Media Types, Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Memories, Past Lives, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2013-02-01
Packaged: 2017-11-27 18:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_gabrielle/pseuds/j_gabrielle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She never quite belongs, and she always watches those around her find their other halves. And always, she waits for him to come back to her.</p>
<p>(In case it wasn't obvious, I suck at summaries)</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Right Feeling

The first time she asks about the strange birthmark that wraps itself around her nape, she is five and her mother has no answer to give her. She remembers the day; perfect summer day, the whole family sprawled on the lawn of their home enjoying their barbeque and the company of each other. There’s a strange song playing through the radio. Instrumental.

It sounds familiar, but somehow she knows that that was the first time she has ever heard it.

“Don’t worry too much about it.” She remembers her mother saying softly, caressing the mark and smiling. “It’s probably there so that your Prince will be able to find you.”

She remembers pausing, lifting a hand almost unconsciously, rubbing against it as if it would disappear by motion alone. The children in her new school had been making fun of her. From the strange way she talked, her stubborn refusal to drink milk from a carton, to the way she keeps to herself. It isn’t as if she had not tried to make friends. It was only because…

“Will he love me? Even if I’m ugly? Even if I’m not special?” She asks as her mother enfolds her into her embrace.

She remembers the kiss, the warmth and floral scent of her mother’s perfume. The safety in her arms that she could never quite replicate with anyone else. “He will love you regardless. Your Prince will be the one who has loved you always.”

If she remembers the way her mother’s eyes turn and found her father, she will not speak of it.

* * *

 

She is sixteen and has just found out that her boyfriend was sleeping with half the graduating class. Probably even some of the teaching staff. Robbie had warned her about the kind of guy that Leo was. And now here she was on prom night, crumpled on her bed like a marionette cut of its’ strings, her pretty new dress a heap at the foot of her bed.

Robbie had offered to stay with her; him and Colin both. She thought it was sweet, but unnecessary. She was fine.

Everyone acts like they should be treading on eggshells around her, but frankly she finds it a little insulting.

Robbie and Colin had met in the after school Music programme and since then, she has had to share her Robbie with him. If Colin were anything but sweet, polite, kind and practically a saint, as one would have to be when they’re dealing with Robbie she would have hated him. Even if she _wanted_ to hate him, it was impossible. One minute with him, and anyone would be his friend.

Besides, even the blind could see the way Robbie looked at Colin sometimes. As if he was the only thing that mattered in the world.

No. In many ways, she was grateful for Colin’s presence in Robbie’s life. As cliché as it may be, he was the light to Robbie’s dark; the refuge and anchor that keeps him from the edge and the darkness in him.

No. She could never begrudge her Robbie his happiness after all the unhappiness in his life.

It’s just that… It’s just that sometimes she wishes she had someone who looks at her that way too.

* * *

 

She turns 23 without any fanfare. Robbie and Colin have been together (though not without their ups and downs) for nine years, and she is the only one who knows that Colin plans to propose on their next trip to the seaside. She is happy for them, really.

She tried dating, going on blind dates set up by well meaning friends and worried, anxious parents. But none of the men she met has ever quite felt… right.

She is a moderately successful owner of a bookstore. There’s a man who comes in every Thursday and browses along the shelves. Sometimes he buys something, sometimes he leaves without anything. But he always waits for her.

From previous conversations, she knows her name is Josephine and she is a photographer. She likes daffodils and coffee on a rainy day. And she always has a smile for the man as he leaves.

She watches and watches, thinking that she knows them, but can never quite place them in her memories. It’s obvious that they’re both there for each other, but can never muster up the courage to talk.

Some days, she contemplates stringing them both on the face of a cliff and then wonders why she would even think that up.

* * *

 

It’s Robbie and Colin’s civil partnership ceremony and she’s watching them dance their first dance. She’s just had the longest day playing bestmaid to both of them, talking Robbie down from his first panic attack in years two minutes before he was due in the City Hall, hunting down their rings when Colin’s little (terror) niece Meaghan lost them in her tantrum for an ice-cream. And to top it off, there was also the matter of their honeymoon flight being cancelled due to an air-strike.

But looking at the way they looked at each other, even though surrounded by all their guests, as if they were the only thing in the world, she can’t help but smile a little.

The little bubble of accomplishment is helped by the fact that she has booked them on a romantic trip to Corsica as a back up in case Plan A did not work out. Looking at the grand clock on the foyer, she gets up, ready to whisk them away under the radar and without having to wave goodbye to every uncle, aunt and their dog. As per Robbie’s instructions.

She is half way out of her seat when she feels someone looking at her. She turns with a barb steady on her tongue when she sees… Him.

The brightest eyes, dark hair artfully messy, the curve of his jaw and the way his lips were shaped. He smiles and she is hit with the unshakeable knowledge that this was _It_. All minutes and seconds she has spent wandering this world looking for the other part of her was over. Every memory, every want and need she remembers and forgets and lives in that instanct. The One. Her Prince. And for a moment she forgets to breathe.

“Hello.” He says, eyes searching hers.

“H-Hello.” She replies, smiling gently. There was something she needed to do, somewhere she needed to be. But what could be more important than being right here, right now?

He steps closer, biting his lip as if unsure. “I’ve been watching you. All night—I mean not in the weird, stalker kind! But, just watching you watch them. The grooms. You’re their friend right?”

She takes a moment to digest what he is saying to her. “Yes. I am.” She pronounces each word carefully; testing their weight in her mouth. She cannot look away from his face. A sudden urge to memorize it burns low and deep in her.

It intensifies the moment he smiles shy but bright and true. “I was wondering… if you’d like. Would you like a dance?” He laughs suddenly, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. I’m usually better at this talking to people thing. And I swear I’m not half as awakward.”

She can’t help but laugh as well, although a sudden pinprick of tears surprise her. “It’s alright.”

_Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others…_

The voice sounded so much like her, and yet so different at the same time. Her eyes widened, and watch his brow crease in worry.

“Are you alright?”

_I will always believe_

She blinks and turns away for a moment, willing away the image of a broken body on a cold hard floor. Another one in the sea of deaths. She takes in deep gulps of air, trying to forget the way her heart skips and hurts at the face that she knows and yet cannot remember.

“Do you need to sit down?”

She looks back up to see that he is closer than before, his hands steadying her by her forearm. He looks worried. She musters a smile, straightening herself. “I’m fine.” And for the first time, she actually means that.

He has this look on his face like he does not quite believe her, but he lets it go when she asks if he would still like a dance. With that, he smiles bright like the sun again.

* * *

 

“What’s your name?” She whispers into his ear later when they are all alone. They’ve known each other less than a day, but she has never felt more right about the world than she is feeling pressed up against his side, listening to his heartbeat.

“James.” He says, fingers idly tracing nonsensical shapes onto her naked skin. It will be morning soon. Another day. “My name is James.”

Those clever fingers trace up to her nape, around her comet like birthmark. “And I’m Bay.” She tilts her head up. “Hi.” She breathes, kissing him.

It should feel strange; the level of comfort and security he incites in her. She isn’t a dreamer, but as he brushes his fingers over her cheeks, she can see a beautiful daughter sleeping between them, a home built on laughter and love, a future spread out as far as her mind could see. Out of nowhere, a surge of anxiety rises in her. For a moment, she feels the overwhelming need to not let him go lest she loses him again.

Again. Where had that come from?

“Hi.” He replies, grinning as she tucks herself next to him. Burrowing her face into the juncture of his neck she whispers quietly.

“Do you believe in fate? And destiny?”

He does not answer immediately. “I believe, if that makes sense?”

“That’s good enough for me.” She smiles softly, arching up for another kiss.

Together, they lie back underneath the sheets and watch the world around them come alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Saw Cloud Atlas. Wrote this. Made tonnes of mistakes. All of my apologies and all of my thanks for reading this.
> 
> The Characters (in case it wasn't obvious)
> 
> Bay = Sonmi-451  
> James = Haejoo-Chang  
> Robbie = Robert Frobisher (it was 3 in the morning. sue me)  
> Colin = Rufus Sixsmith  
> Josephine = Luisa Ray/Meronym  
> The man in the bookshop = Zachry


End file.
